Forgiveness Series, Part 4,Ep 3-9

Welcome Back! I am your host Dawn Simmons, and in this episode of Conquering Our Unseen Enemies we are going to be discussing part four in our series on Forgiveness. In this fourth and final episode on forgiveness we are discussing how to clear the obstacles to our own healing and deliverance through forgiveness. Our objective is to get rid of the weight and chains of bondage that come from holding onto unforgiveness. In the first three episodes of this series, we have discussed what unforgiveness is and the 10 points of the price we pay carrying our unforgiveness. Now let’s finish up what we started here.

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Let’s do a quick summary of what we discussed in both part 1, 2 and 3

We defined, what is forgiveness? Forgiveness involves an intentional decision to let go of resentment and anger. The memory of the act that hurt or offense may remain with you, but forgiveness lessens that hold over you. Over time, unchecked resentment can turn to bitterness.

Point 1: When we do not forgive, we may be creating Bitterness in our heart. 

Point 2: When we do not forgive, we are not forgiven.

Point 3: When we fail to forgive someone, we stay tied to that someone.

Point 4: When we do not forgive others, are prayers are hindered.

Point 5: When we do not forgive, Satan is given opportunity.

Point 6: When we do not forgive, we may find ourselves stumble in darkness.

Point 7: When we do not forgive, God may choose to turn us over to the tormentors which will block our deliverance.

Point 8: When we don’t forgive, we cannot fully participate in God’s divine nature.

Point 9: When we don’t forgive, we are creating an obstacle for ourselves to receive eternal rewards.

Point 10: When we don’t forgive, we are grieving the Holy Spirit.

A few months ago I heard someone say that forgiveness was not necessary and that it was not necessary to heal.  In their opinion, it was revenge that provided healing. This is their reasoning and these are their words verbatim.

“Forgiveness does not reverse a wrong. It does not reverse the negative emotions that one felt at the time of the experience. It does not eradicate a negative memory. It does not reverse trauma. It does not bring back a murdered family member. It does not reverse a rape or sexual assault. It is not “necessary” to heal. “Forgiving someone” has never made me feel better. And being told “I forgive you” by someone else has never made me feel anything positive if I had legitimately wronged someone that I did not want to hurt. We don’t even actually “know” if someone actually forgives us on top of that. We can’t read anyone’s mind. You don’t actually “know” what anyone thinks or how anyone feels about you at the end of the day. The only thing that has ever made me feel positively about something that has been done to me was by enacting revenge and receiving the outcome that I wanted at that person’s expense.”

When we are in a place where we are angry, bitter, hurt, whatever your emotion is as a result of a wrong against you, forgiveness isn’t about justice. We cannot equate our forgiveness to justice.  When we forgive, it doesn’t mean we forget.  When we forgive, there is no undoing of what was done. It still happened.  When we forgive, it doesn’t matter if the person believes you or not.  When we forgive, we are not trying to then artificially create a positive out of a negative just because we said a few words. When we enact revenge and intentionally set out to harm the other person in response, we are doing exactly what the enemy wants and our anger, bitterness and hurt has come full circle and we are in an even worse position than we were before.

Here is some advice given by a licensed therapist about whether forgiveness is necessary for healing. Listen first, then we will evaluate.

“Forgiveness can be a powerful tool for healing, as it allows the individual to release negative emotions and move forward with their life. However, it is important to note that forgiveness is a personal choice and may not always be the best option for everyone. Forcing oneself to forgive before they are ready can actually hinder the healing process. It is also important to recognize that forgiveness does not mean forgetting or condoning the actions of the person who caused harm. It is simply a way to release negative emotions and move forward in a more positive direction, forgiveness can be a helpful tool for healing and growth, but it is not always necessary or possible. Each individual's journey is unique, and the decision to forgive should be made with careful consideration and support from a trusted therapist or coach.”

This statement is one of the reasons our world is so dysfunctional.  The creator of this universe tells us forgiveness is necessary.  Man has decided it knows better and through studying the mind He created, man has decided healing may not be the best option for everyone.  While I agree forgiving and condoning are unrelated, I do not believe healing is “not possible” as it was described, for everyone.  Forgiveness is something that should be done with support from the Lord, not a therapist or coach who could help you “decide” to make the choice. I am not against therapy, one of my best friends is a licensed therapist. If you need therapy, it’s important to find a therapist that is Christ centered so that you don’t get someone who will lead you away from the Lord because they think they know what is best for you.  There is a lot of nonsense psychology out there and it is designed to focus on self, not the Lord.  When we are only focused on self, we are doing exactly what the enemy is wanting us to do, take our eyes off the Lord and the support He provides in forgiveness and everything else we need.

The next one I want to share is someone discussing forgiveness and it’s an entirely different concept than anything we have discussed so far, but I am sure there are millions of people out there who think this is the correct way to view forgiveness.

“Forgiveness cannot be granted to those who are continuing to inflict or threaten harm on others, and offering forgiveness to such people is a shallow, meaningless gesture that will not “heal” anything. If I punch you in the face, ask for forgiveness, then continue punching you, or promise that I will punch you again the next time we meet, I have no reason to expect you to forgive me. Your forgiveness should be conditional. It should be conditioned first on me stopping my attack on you. Next, I must acknowledge that it was evil of me to punch you, promise not to do it again, and offer any medical care and compensation that you need to recover from my evil behavior. The religious term for this is repentance. It is not enough for me to say, “I’m sorry, let’s be friends now”. I must also acknowledge, without any excuses, that I am to blame for your suffering, that causing you to suffer was evil of me, and that I owe you compensation sufficient to enable you to recover from the harm that I have caused you by my evil acts. Only after doing all of those things can I ask you to forgive me because until I do those things the matter is not resolved; you are still suffering, I am still the reason that you are suffering, and I continue to be a threat to you of future suffering.”

This person is treating forgiveness like it is transactional.  This person also begins to weave in other concepts that make forgiveness conditional.  Let’s talk about why this is not the way God intends forgiveness to take place in our hearts. While forgiveness is about another person, it is primarily about your heart condition with the Lord.  While this example sounds very much like a domestic violence situation, it is not what he was referring to.  If this were, then the first thing I would say is remove yourself from that situation.  Easier said than done I know, but safety always is the highest priority. Safety first, take care of essential needs, get yourself resituated and out of the situation, then when all of that is in place, then you can focus on what is needed for you to work through forgiveness with the Lord for that person. This example is about nonfamily members. Let’s dig into this a little more. First, Forgiveness is not granted. Forgiveness needs to be freely given or it is not forgiveness.  Second, Forgiveness isn’t about who asks for it or whoever needs to be forgiven won’t get it unless it is asked for.  If someone feels bad and wants to ask for forgiveness, then good, there is a change in their heart, hopefully a real one, but it is a separate issue from the one who gives the forgiveness, they are not tied together.  Only unforgiveness remains tied together. Third, if we are the one who committed the hurtful act, we don’t have a right to expect forgiveness from the one we hurt.  It is a choice they get to make no matter what you say or do.  You cannot demand it and if you ask for it and they say no, move on.  At that point, whatever is holding them back is between them and the Lord, you are out of it, leave it alone. Fourth, whoever commits a hurtful act against us does not need to acknowledge what they did was wrong in order for us to forgive them.  We already know it was wrong.  Whether they admit it or not does not change the fact that it was wrong.  Fifth, there never has to be a promise that someone will not recommit the same offense. We cannot control someone else no matter what the offense. If we start doing that, we are entering into a territory that could go sideways if we are not careful.  For example, if we perceive an act to be wrong against us, but it wasn’t, it was a misunderstanding, but you are holding forgiveness over someone’s head and saying they need to act a certain way going forward or you will not forgive them, then that’s manipulation, that’s witchcraft. Sixth, we do not get to demand compensation for the hurtful act as a part of our forgiveness.  If you do that, then you are not offering forgiveness at all and any discussion of such is negated.  The Lord will carry out the justice, we are to forgive regardless. We were forgiven freely, we forgive freely.  Seventh, we cannot demand repentance of someone else.  That is not ours to demand.  True repentance belongs to the Lord and if they are truly repentant you will see it, not by making demands, but by their free will.  Finally, my future is not threatened because you have not met my conditions for you to receive my forgiveness.  Again, manipulation, witchcraft.

Forgiveness is a process, it may take a month, a day, a year or a minute to get through the process of forgiveness. When we have been hurt or betrayed in some way, we feel the emotional pain, for some there may be physical pain involved, for some life may never be the same again.  Whatever has happened to cause this painful situation can be broken by spending time with the Lord and allowing Him to move through your heart. If you speak honestly to him, even if you are angry, even if you want revenge, it’s okay to tell Him that.  Be honest, He will not mind if you need to let out the ugly, He wants you to let it out so He can start to show you the beautiful again.  Until we get the ugly out, we won’t make room for the beautiful He has to offer us.  He will talk to you.  He will comfort you. He will guide you. Through all of that, the bondage of the ugly will be broken if you allow Him and submit to Him all of your brokenness from the situation.  You don’t have to rush this process.  He is helping you.  This is what we are commanded to do, but He is not demanding it of you.  He walks you through it so when you get to the place where you begin to see the beautiful, it is genuine and it will be lasting for you.  We don’t want to do things halfway and then we have to revisit and have multiple triggers we have to be careful of as if we will step on a landmine and have to start this forgiveness process all over again. Submit to Him all you are carrying, and He will gladly take it from you.  He never intended it for you, so He will gladly take it from you.

I hope this has been time that inspires you to want to learn to grow in your relationship with the Lord and build your desire to partner with Him. We want to grow in Him and learn how to work with Him to build the Kingdom and Conquer Our Unseen Enemies. The more we grow the more our life will change, and you can help change the lives of anyone around you who is willing.

If you are growing through our podcast, consider supporting us each month as we continue to build the Kingdom of God. www.buzzsprout.com/1995558/support

If you know anyone who might benefit from this, please share. 

As always, let’s discuss our Top Show points:

·      This is Part 4 of our Series on Forgiveness

·      Point 1: When we do not forgive, we may be creating Bitterness in our heart. 

·      Point 2: When we do not forgive, we are not forgiven.

·      Point 3: When we fail to forgive someone, we stay tied to that someone.

·      Point 4: When we do not forgive others, are prayers are hindered.

·      Point 5: When we do not forgive, Satan is given opportunity.

·      Point 6: When we do not forgive, we may find ourselves stumble in darkness.

·      Point 7: When we do not forgive, God may choose to turn us over to the tormentors which will block our deliverance.

·      Point 8: When we don’t forgive, we cannot fully participate in God’s divine nature.

·      Point 9: When we don’t forgive, we are creating an obstacle for ourselves to receive eternal rewards.

·      Point 10: When we don’t forgive, we are grieving the Holy Spirit.

·      Story of someone who believes forgiveness isn’t necessary and revenge is the answer.

·      We cannot equate our forgiveness to justice.  When we forgive, it doesn’t mean we forget. 

·      When we enact revenge and intentionally set out to harm the other person in response, we are in an even worse position than we were before.

·      Example of a licensed therapist about whether forgiveness is necessary for healing.

·      “Forgiveness can be a powerful tool for healing, it is a personal choice and may not always be the best option for everyone.

·      The decision to forgive should be made with careful consideration and support from a trusted therapist or coach.”

·      Forgiveness is something that should be done with support from the Lord, not a therapist or coach who could help you “decide” to make the choice.

·      There is a lot of nonsense psychology out there and it is designed to focus on self, not the Lord.  When we are only focused on self, we are taking our eyes off the Lord .

·      Story of someone who had their own concept of what forgiveness should be

·      This person is treating forgiveness like it is transactional. 

·      First, Forgiveness is not granted. Forgiveness needs to be freely given or it is not forgiveness.

·      Second, Forgiveness isn’t about who asks for it or whoever needs to be forgiven won’t get it unless it is asked for. 

·      Third, if we are the one who committed the hurtful act, we don’t have a right to expect forgiveness from the one we hurt. 

·      Fourth, whoever commits a hurtful act against us does not need to acknowledge what they did was wrong in order for us to forgive them. 

·      Sixth, we do not get to demand compensation for the hurtful act as a part of our forgiveness. 

·      Seventh, we cannot demand repentance of someone else.  That is not ours to demand. 

·      Forgiveness is a process, it may take a month, a day, a year or a minute to get through the process of forgiveness. A painful situation can be broken by spending time with the Lord and allowing Him to move through your heart.

·      Until we get the ugly out, we don’t have room for the beautiful He has to offer.  He will talk to you, comfort you, guide you. Through that, the bondage of ugly will be broken if you allow Him and submit to Him. 

·      You don’t have to rush this process.  He is helping you.  This is what we are commanded to do, but He is not demanding it of you.  He walks you through it so when you get to the place where you begin to see the beautiful, it is genuine and it will be lasting for you. 

·      Submit to Him all you are carrying, and He will gladly take it from you.  He never intended it for you, so He will gladly take it from you.

We encourage you:

·      To have an active Bible reading plan, if you want a personal relationship with the Lord, you need to be active about reading His word.

·      If you want to learn more about how to Hear God's Voice, visit our website, lovingconversationssalo.com.  My book, Loving Conversations: How to Pray and Hear God's Voice has helped so many people in their relationship with the Lord, check out the testimonials.  Available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble or Walmart. Those are also available on our website www.lovingconversationssalo.com.

·      Follow us in Instagram, @conqueringourunseenenemies

·      Conference 3/23, Camarillo, CA 8:30-noon, it’s called Restore and it is a Holy Spirit Revival in your heart, if you are in the area, ticket information can be found in show notes or on our Instagram pages, email, contact@conqueringourunseenenemies.com and I can send you the link.

I have enjoyed our time this week and look forward to spending time with you again next week!