Knocking Out Narcissism Near You, Ep 15, Part 2 of 2
Welcome Back! I am Dawn Simmons and in this episode of Conquering Our Unseen Enemies we are going to talk about part 2 of Knocking out Narcissism and how we manage our reactions to a narcissist. In the last episode, we defined a narcissist, we identified common traits and the demonic influences generally associated with narcissism. We also were introduced to some specific cases involving narcissists and after a quick recap that's where we will pick up again in this episode. Also, be sure to listen at the end for the giveaway. We have already contacted the 2 of the 4 winners of our giveaway for October.
Let's recap the common traits: Not all narcissists have all these traits, these are just the most common, but they will usually have at least 4-5 of these traits.
Need for excessive admiration continually, Expectation of special treatment, they are superior to others, Lack of Empathy for everyone else, Need to constantly be the center of attention, Need to always be the one who is right, Need to always have their feelings be validated over everyone else's feelings, Controlling, power hungry, anger, Lack of patience for others that doesn't benefit them, Deceitful, cunning, Antagonism, Manipulative, Expects others to meet their needs regardless of what is required, grand gestures
Let's recap the demonic influences associated with these traits: Not all narcissists have all of these demons, but generally speaking the higher the number of traits, the more deep rooted the traits, the more pronounced the traits, the more demons will be involved.
Pride, Insecurity, Fear of disapproval, Competition, Perfection, Hatred, Cursing – belittling others, gossip, mockery, backbiting, Intolerance, Fear of Rejection, Jealousy, Loneliness, Paranoia, Material Lust, Sensitiveness, Self-Righteousness, Rationalization, Self-delusion, Fear of Failure Self-Deception, Inferiority, Bitterness, Dominance, Jealousy, Indifference, Control, Rejection, Anger, Dominance, Jealousy, Fear of Authority – Lying, Fear of accusation, Rebellion, Bitterness, Jealousy, Witchcraft, Control, Theatrics
To recap our stories, recall we had 2 involve work situations. One is with a coworker and the other is with their boss. The second two are family situations, sister in laws. We nicknamed the narcissist in each scenario as Narcy. The people who have shared their story have one thing in common, they truly want to be able to have the issues resolved with Narcy and be able to salvage the relationship. Their heart is in the right place and we need to always start from there, where our heart is right with the Lord. We may at times not feel that way, but in order for the Lord to honor our prayers and move on our behalf we have to have our heart aligned with the Lord. Also, when we do need to use our authority, we have to come from a place of a righteous heart, not an ill meaning heart. So if we are upset in the moment, take the time to cool off, spend some time with the Lord and then come back to resolve the issue. So, how do we resolve the issue?
Steps to Manage a Narcissist:
Pray for Truth: This is a preparation step to do in your alone time and particularly before you have contact with Narcy. In a work environment you know that schedule, you are dealing with it as part of your job and fortunately there are some legal and opportunity (group settings vs one on one settings) limitations that someone in a family environment doesn't have. In a family environment, you may be more vulnerable to being alone with Narcy and on the receiving end of deeper personal attacks.
What we are seeking as we pray for truth is for the Lord to come into this situation and address our heart and Narcy's heart. We want the Holy Spirit to convict us if we are misjudging Narcy or the situation and ask for forgiveness if we are convicted. We also want the Lord to come in and help Narcy to make changes necessary to improve her life with the Lord and see the impact her actions have on others. We want to ask for His will to be done and at the same time for truth to be revealed in every situation. We ask for this because we want to make sure that deception is brought to the light. The importance of this should not be overlooked. Although we are praying and asking for the Lord to help Narcy, ultimately if Narcy does not respond to the Lord, nothing will change with Narcy. So, asking the Lord to reveal the truth, that request can be accomplished with or without Narcy being willing to respond to the Lord. A request for truth to be revealed is a good request to have over all areas in our lives, not just with Narcy, so add that to your arsenal when you are praying. We can never go wrong when we ask the Lord to reveal truth and have deception brought to the light.
Pray for Protection and Rebuke: This is a preparation step for before you have contact, but you can do it quietly in Narcy's presence.
If Narcy's behavior is being influenced by the demonic, you cannot control what Narcy allows the demonic to do in her life, but as a believer, you can control how that demonic influence impacts you in your presence. Any space that you occupy can be protected and the time you are in contact with Narcy can be protected. So if Narcy is coming into your "workspace" or an area where you perform your job duties, your home, your car, your yard, any space that you occupy, own are responsible for or have control over, your space whatever that looks like for you, then you have the spiritual legal right to have that space protected in the name of Jesus. Use scripture such as Isaiah 54: 17, no weapons formed against me shall prosper, or Romans 14:11, every knee shall bow before Jesus and every tongue acknowledge His name, Luke 10:19, I have given you authority to trample on snakes and scorpions and to overcome all the power of the enemy; nothing will harm you. In addition, when you are in Narcy's presence, you can rebuke the demonic from any activity involving you. You can whisper it, mouth it, you don't need to say it out loud for all the humans to hear because you are not talking to the humans. The demons know when you say it that you are rebuking them in the name of Jesus. Use scripture that applies to the circumstance. Just remember that you are directing your warfare against the enemy, not Narcy. We may in the midst of a conflict want to direct it at Narcy, but if we do that, we risk putting ourselves in the position to allow the accuser, the enemy, the demonic, to be able to accuse us of acting sinful, with malice toward Narcy. So, let's say Narcy is yelling and screaming at you, don't react, under your breath rebuke the enemy, and don't take it personally. You are establishing a spirit realm boundary that will override Narcy's behavior. Even if Narcy is doing this of her own accord, with no demonic involvement, this behavior will lessen because you are not triggered. Her screaming at you does not change who you are, it reveals who she is and that she needs help managing her emotions. If you find yourself at any moment feeling bitterness or anger toward Narcy, ask for forgiveness and let it go.
In the cases involving the sister in laws, there is instruction Jesus provides for how to handle this conflict if Narcy is a believer. In a work environment, if it becomes necessary for you, Human Resources would likely be your support so it may not be exactly the format Jesus provides in this Biblical example, but we want to follow it as closely as we are able.
Here is the scripture: Matthew 18: 15, “If your brother or sister sins go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’ If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector.
So if you have already tried to talk to Narcy on your own, find one or two people you trust to meet with you and Narcy. If you trust these people then be open to them if they have a word to direct to you, but it should be an unbiased person.
If you have done these steps, and there is still no change, then it's time to pray and seek the Lord on distancing yourself in the relationship. At that point there is no reason to justify, argue or explain yourself. Manage your own expectations and be clear about your boundaries for the relationship. For a work situation, particularly if you a direct report to Narcy, align your work goals to success and stay focused on that. Understand that many narcissistic people are unable to have healthy personal or professional relationships, and it has nothing to do with you so don't take on any baggage from a failed relationship when you know you did all that you should do biblically to improve the relationship.
I want to also give you some scriptures you can have handy as you pray or when you are about to interact with Narcy. This is a great time to start or add to your scripture journal. A scripture journal is a way to keep those verses you know you will need over and over again where you can access them quickly and add to it over time. I've been using one for years and it makes things a little easier on me when I need my scriptures quickly. This is especially helpful if you struggle to have scriptures memorized. As you use it, you will find they will roll off your tongue easier in a pressure situation. It's just a great spiritual warfare tool.
Psalms 31:3, Since you are my rock and my fortress, for the sake of your name lead and guide me.
Job 42:2, I know you can do all things; no purpose of yours can be thwarted.
Proverbs 16:3, Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and He will establish your plans.
Luke 10:19, I have given you authority to trample on snakes and scorpions and to overcome all the power of the enemy; nothing will harm you.
Isaiah 54:17, No weapon formed against me shall prosper.
Romans 16:20, The God of peace will soon crush Satan under your feet.
Romans 14:11, As surely as I live, says the Lord, every knee will bow before me; every tongue with acknowledge God.
1 Corinthians 15:57, Thanks be to God! Gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.
Ephesians 6:10-17 – The Armor of God, Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11 Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. 12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13 Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14 Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15 and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16 In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17 Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.
I know these last two episodes are a lot to take in, but a narcissist is a lot to take in and they are very complex because each one is unique to their experiences and their reactions to those experiences, so we tried to drill it down to commonalities.
Ok so as always let's recap the Top Show Points:
· Common traits of a narcissist: Not all narcissists have all these traits, these are just the most common but they will usually have at least 4-5 of these traits.
o Need for excessive admiration continually, Expectation of special treatment, they are superior to others, Lack of Empathy for everyone else, Need to constantly be the center of attention, Need to always be the one who is right, Need to always have their feelings be validated over everyone else's feelings, Controlling, power hungry, anger, Lack of patience for others that doesn't benefit them, Deceitful, cunning, Antagonism, Manipulative, Expects others to meet their needs regardless of what is required, grand gestures
· The demonic influences associated with these traits: Not all narcissists have all of these demons, but generally speaking the higher the number of traits, the more deep rooted the traits, the more pronounced the traits, the more demons will be involved.
o Pride, Insecurity, Fear of disapproval, Competition, Perfection, Hatred, Cursing – belittling others, gossip, mockery, backbiting, Intolerance, Fear of Rejection, Jealousy, Loneliness, Paranoia, Material Lust, Sensitiveness, Self-Righteousness, Rationalization, Self-delusion, Fear of Failure Self-Deception, Inferiority, Bitterness, Dominance, Jealousy, Indifference, Control, Rejection, Anger, Fear of Authority – Lying, Fear of accusation, Rebellion, Bitterness, Witchcraft, Theatrics
· Our scenarios from last week involve 2 work situations. One is with a coworker and the other is with their boss. The second two are family situations, sister in laws.
· The people who have shared their story have one thing in common, they truly want to be able to have the issues resolved with Narcy and be able to salvage the relationship.
· Steps to Manage a Narcissist:
o Pray for Truth: What we are seeking as we pray for truth is for the Lord to come into this situation and address our heart and Narcy's heart. We want the Holy Spirit to convict us if we are misjudging Narcy or the situation and ask for forgiveness if we are convicted. We want to ask for His will to be done and at the same time for truth to be revealed in every situation.
o Pray for Protection and Rebuke: If Narcy's behavior is being influenced by the demonic, you cannot control what Narcy allows the demonic to do in her life, but as a believer, you can control how that demonic influence impacts you in your presence. Any space that you occupy can be protected and the time you are in contact with Narcy can be protected.
o There is instruction Jesus provides in Matthew 18:15 for how to handle this conflict if Narcy is a believer. Gathering your witnesses to address Narcy.
· Put together scriptures you can have handy as you pray or when you are about to interact with Narcy. This is a great time to start or add to your scripture journal.
o Psalms 31:3, Job 42:2, Proverbs 16:3, Luke 10:19, Isaiah 54:17, Romans 16:20, Romans 14:11, 1 Corinthians 15:57, Ephesians 6:10-17 – The Armor of God, 1 John 4:4
We encourage you:
· To have an active Bible reading plan, it will be helpful in gaining wisdom and understanding and it is required for the gift of spiritual discernment
· Also, I want to encourage you to visit our website and join our Warrior community. In the month of October I will be picking 2 more people at random from our Warrior community for a one hour one to one discussion, so if you would like to be included in that random drawing make sure you join the community.
Have a great week!
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